Writing, my 30 day goal!

So today was the second time in a row that I woke up at 4 something in the morning. Since I was up so early and couldn't get up to anything noisy as my boyfriend was sleeping in our room I decided that I would finally sit down and start writing a new story (well revisiting an old and rewriting it completely from scratch it seems. I plan on putting the pieces of this story together from what I remember from the many different attempts at writing different pieces. This is also going to be my 30 day challenge of writing a 50,000 word story in 30 days. Successful so far as I have had 2 very long periods of time of doing nothing but writing today. One in the very early day. Another later in the morning before noon. 3,958 words later I have done more then enough for one day and I can finally say that I am starting to formulate something that I would like to try and keep up with for once. This is not the first time that the characters within what I am writing have surfaced. I can recall about 3 or 4 other attempts at writing them out on paper.

Seems that I cannot get away from my passions of writing even though I have little faith that I am really all that good but I have always aspired to be a writer. I have always aspired to be a writer, it was the one constant.. you know as a kid what you wanted to be? It always changed, well I always seemed to know that you couldn't just be a writer and had other goals in mind of what I wanted to be, a veterinarian, a zookeeper etc etc. Author was always there right beside whatever else I had chosen.

I seem to have let my writing fall to the wayside lately and this blog it seems. I wrote this hoping to step out into the world a little more and to write what was on my mind. It seems that I must truly have a fairly boring world that I live in....

I aspire to dream, I aspire to write, I aspire to be me, the real me, not be fake, not take crap from anyone, be bullied into being something else that I am not. Surely I have a lot of different things I want to take up as stuff I am interested in doing but always I come back to writing. It is my world, it is my lifeline when there is nothing else. I cling to it as I would a life raft. Without it I don't think I would be the person that I am.. and I can say that reading books is what had caused me to want to write in the first place. There is more to this but that is all I will divulge in those details... they made me whom I am. I don't need to prove myself to anyone.

2 days until my b-day

Yep, almost that time again.. Not really going to be doing anything particularly special, just go out to my favourite restaurant for dinner. Surprisingly I usually don't get excited for Christmas until after my birthday but for some reason the holiday spirit has hit me earlier then ever. I have been trying to make some cupcake ornaments. (I don't have a tree to decorate but for some reason I saw a few tutorials on youtube and they made me jump at the chance to get some new supplies and try something new. Nothing is yet finished and I am trying to find my own little tweak to make them uniquely my own.

Usually I am more of a halloween kind of person but this halloween the only thing that I did was work and really late hours as well. Suppose that is why I wasn't so excited. I had known quite in advance that I would be working that day... Oh well. I suppose that is what happens sometimes.

Well I am excited about my birthday, to get together with some friends and family and do something simple but very pleasant! :D

Hmm..

I missed out on Halloween this year so either today or tomorrow I am going to fool around and dress up in some costumes and have a little halloween fun! Yeah I know late but I suppose better then never.

I think I might go to the fabric store to see if they have any halloween-y type fabrics for sale since it is well past that day. It would be nice. I have a few ideas of things I want to make with those kinds of fabrics. It might just be a nice idea to do some things while I am in the mood to.

So.. November is my birthday month.. I haven't really been excited about it like I used to be a few years back, maybe I am starting to feel the age? Maybe it just doesn't feel as exciting as it used to? I just don't understand, usually I am excited about birthdays, especially my own. Oh well. I guess I just have to get in the mood to be.

I suppose I have to get over my whole Halloween thing before I can try to be excited about my birthday near the end of the month. First before then is Remembrance Day. That is first and foremost in my november agenda.

Oh yeah and it's nanowrimo month and I missed out yet again by not remembering that it was this month.. no idea how I have forgotten since last year when I first found out about it. Maybe next year I might actually try it out, if I don't forget, that is!

Well I guess I am off to go do some things around the house! Should probably start catching up on things if I can around here.

So... I am back again...!

So today has been one of those days where I haven't really been working on the goal of finding inner peace, kind of got sidetracked with the busy hum of everyday life. It seems that I was finally able to log in again after trying to figure out my password.. oh boy! I am so silly sometimes.

I have decided that I am going to have to figure out how to go about doing this goal and make it seem less of one of those things that you set for yourself but something that you do for yourself instead. I need a little more calm, a lot less clutter in my life right now. It is getting a bit beyond me on how to go about doing things.., other then cleaning my house but I just seem to lose interest pretty fast since it is just such a daunting task and I feel utterly at a loss as what to do with a lot of this stuff. Maybe it is time to start selling a few more things off again so that I can make a little extra $ on the side as well as feel a bit better about getting rid of some of this stuff.

Well who knows? I will have to figure it out for myself because I am the only one who can.

Until next time, have a great day!

A new journey to undertake.

Well I never seem to be able to keep to the 30 day challenges I set for myself. So in lieu of these challenges I am going to do something a little different, I find my life getting more hectic and stressful and seemingly crazy. It's bringing mass amounts of turmoil within myself as well.

So I am going to every single day for the next year work on finding a little bit more inner peace within myself and try to reconnect with who I really am. I feel in this myriad dazzlement of today's society and all the stresses that come with it are finally starting to take it's toll on my body. I am overtired, stressed, feeling a bit more anxious then I have ever felt before in my life. My personal writing is getting back into that dark and dreary worlds of existence. Everything that I have held dear has lost it's connection with me, and my dreams for my life and what I want to do are non-existent right now. Winter is nearing and if I am feeling this way already I cannot imagine what winter is going to be like for me.

If you anyone has any advice on how to move forward with this new adventure, please let me know! I know that today I am going to make it all about fun. I have a new gaming hobby/ obsession called HeroClix and some people are getting together today to play. I think with working 9 days straight, one day off then working 13 days straight with 1 day off and who knows what the next couple weeks will bring, is taking it's toll the most. I don't eat properly, don't exercise too much, don't find time to just breath.

I have to find my balance! I will find it! I am determined to, for my mind, body and soul!

I suppose then I will try to keep an update, here and there. I plan to do blog everyday about this. This is but a goal, a realization that I am the only one who can make the changes to feel better about myself, to find myself, to centre myself.

Though I will need a little help from family and friends for encouragement and support on this newest of journeys.

Friday

Gah! Been up for a little while now this morning.. Not looking forward to the really busy work day ahead of me. Probably not going to be a very good day, and this is thinking based upon last night's fiasco at work. Ah well, one can only do so much, we are all human after all.

This is the last day of working 13 days in a row! Yikes! So many days in a row can drive a person a little batty.. and to think before the other last day I had off I worked 9 days straight. I haven't even been at my new job for more then a month and already I think I need a vacation! Not that I am going to get that anytime soon as I am still under the 3 month probation. Still I hope I am holding up in this particular job.

Anyhow...

I am so looking forward to my one day off this week especially since I didn't get my last day I was supposed to have off because I got called into work. At least this week hasn't been a lot of 3 hour shifts. I really hate 3 hour shifts because then I spend at least half that amount of time time going to and from work, if not as much time as I do working.( All depends on the bus system.. yeah... really crappy!)

Well I think I have done enough writing for one morning! I hope to write more here, and hopefully not about how I work so much!

Have a good day!

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Yep.. thinking about....

HALLOWEEN!!!!

So I know it's a long ways away but I am already thinking about Halloween. Yep that is right.. Halloween! It's not for quite a few months but it's one of my favourite times of the year where I can dress up as anything that I can think of.

I have next to nothing sewing skills, so I usually pull pieces of this and that together and make something. I have to work on doing something costume-wise that is better then what i threw together last year.. bleh that was horrible.. usually i come up with something better last minute then that.. oh well! Trust me I am not posting a pic because i felt it was really that shame-worthy. Just wasn't feeling it.. I suppose that is because a big factor in why I enjoy Halloween is because of my dad. He is not with us anymore and his enthusiasm always helped big time when it came to ideas for halloween. He was always making a haunted house every year that kids loved to be afraid of. It was always fairly fantastic. My stepmom did a great job in making the house look great.

I don't decorate for halloween.. I did one year, the first year that I moved out on my own and it was my first apartment. I had an entrance at the front of a house. I only got 1 kid to my door.. 2 practically full boxes of candy.. that was quite the dissappointment. I even had friends over and they didn't really like what I did for decorating. They didn't find it overly ethusiastic. Our night went on to the pub to watch my brother and his band play there. It was a fantastic fun night and I couldn't have asked for a better night.

Though I just don't decorate anymore.. sad to say.. I want to once I get my craft room up and running whenever that gets going. I want my costume this year to be over the top wonderful to beat all the other years really.. quite honestly would be nice to say I made it myself but even if I can just for now find things to put together a costume. Something that is inspired by steampunk, goth, lolita, adventurers, pirates, cats, etc etc. I have quite an extensive list of things that I like and look to for inspiration though I rarely ever make anything.

The whole having boxes of stuff and nowhere to craft in my craft room just doesn't help at all. To top it off the room that i am going to be using isn't going to be that room anymore. It's going to be a different room altogether and so my boyfriend and I have to switch these rooms.

Any suggestions on getting this bumped up faster so it gets done so I have a space to call my own again?

Baking up a storm!!! :D

So today was a baking storm in my kitchen. I baked almost 3 dozen muffins, minus 2 because there wasn't quite enough to make exactly 3 dozen. Then minus the 3 muffins I ate! Well a baker has to test out their own baked goods to make sure they are up to par. So all in all I made 6 blueberry muffins, 6 chocolate chip muffins, and 22 banana muffins.

I am planning on giving some to my step mom tomorrow and a friend possibly tomorrow too because she knew I was baking some and really wanted some! :D

Mmm, I know what I am having for breakfast tomorrow!!! Yummy!!! :D

I also plan to make some banana bread later this week too!!

I am in the mood lately to bake and cook and am looking for new and interesting ideas that might be out there to try! If you have any suggestions why not list them below?

Have a great night everyone! :D

Okay it has been awhile... again. I don't update here as frequently as I do my facebook but that is probably a really good thing! I've been feeling a little disconnected from myself, my friends and family as of lately. It's been a tough time lately but I am not saying it is any tougher then what others out there in the world may be feeling.

Just right now I need to find some kind of inner balance with myself to be happy again, for I haven't been as happy as I used to be, haven't felt like things have been going anywhere as of late. It's kind of a very slow process to try and figure out what I need to do for myself to keep me motivated to do the goals i set out for myself because honestly I feel sometimes at an utter loss trying to figure out what my soul wants to do.

I've almost given up writing.. and that is very unusual for me. In fact because I was on the brink of giving it up altogether I think it brought out a bit of a fiery rage within because that would be like not breathing. My soul needs to write, even if most of it really feels for my own entertainment. I don't think I am very good at it but I would love to try and get something done and try the whole scenario of moving onto the next step of editing something I have completed fully. Then I can finally try and get it published. This will be a long time coming.. and I don't even care if I ever get famous.. In fact that would be the last thing on my mind. If one person could see what I write and say to me honestly, most truthfully that they "enjoyed reading my book!" or "Your writing is inspiring" That would make my day.

I would love to start a writing group.. maybe even do it via online or something just to start sharing ideas and getting opinions flowing through a group of people with the same kinds of interests.

Here where I live I don't feel that I have that kind of connection.. on any front really. It's like I live in a place where there is no openness of expression, no one with a like mind here other then maybe the jocks and the socialistic people but truthfully I don't want anything to do with either one and I guess that's also why I hate the idea of the gym as well... That was getting a little off topic there. Glad I caught myself before I ranted on about something that isn't even important to me.

My writing is important. Also I love to create stuff (scrapbook, ATCs to name a few things) I just want to get into more creativity but with nearing the end of my first year of university it's going to be a long haul before I get too overly creative right now.

I canot believe I am looking forward to starting summer and a summer job (pending that I search and find one ASAP after school is completed.)

I really hate essays... but I really shouldn't be procrastinating anymore. I've already done tons of useless stuff (other then this blog that barely hits the radar out there but that is just fine with me!)

Until the next time!

~Penny~

Lately I have been inspired by Steampunk, Lolita, Bubble goth, Goth, punk, fairies. Also anything anime or manga style is awesome as well! Also stuff like Alice in Wonderland, Dr. Horrible(the goggles mostly), Science fiction, Fantasy, Knights, warriors, pirates, etc etc.

Yes! I know that is a lot of different styles and I know that none are really like the other. I gues you can say that I dabble in a lot of different kind of interests!

To use my imagination and make something uniquely different that no one else would have would be an awesome thing to try and do. One of these halloweens in the future I will have finally made something that will be awesome and along the lines of whatever I decide to make. It will be a lot of piecing things together, even making things with the intentions of using it and possibly end up figuring out something different that would work better for my vision which is yet to become clear yet. Maybe oned of these days it will be made to be known clearly. I haven't the slightest idea of exactly what I am going to do but this little adventure excites me quite literally!

To do this I have to gain sewing skills, start getting more creative and organize my space so I can make proper use of my mannequin to help me keep most of my pieces together!

It will be an exciting adventure to try out and keep going at! Who knows what I am going to create! Somehow though I think in the end it will look fantastic!

I will keep an ongoing blog about this adventure and what I create! I will also post links to anything that I found helpful or inspiring on this project! I cannot wait to get started! What an adventure it will be!

Though first and foremost I must get my craft room clean and organized. There is no sense of starting a project and not having a proper space to do it in!

From time to time I may post unrelated stuff to this. I do have some personal goals that I have set in a previous blog entry that will from time to time touched base on again.. possibly though.. I may not bother with posting anything about those at all.

Well off to do a half hour of cleaning/organizing and a half hour of wii fit at the very least!

Till next time! :D

30 day challenges!

So it is the first day of march and I am starting up some 30 day challenges. These are what they are!

1) Continue on my novel challenge from the last 30 day challenge Got a little less then 15,000 words. The goal was 50,000 words but this is the most words I have ever written in such a short time. Giving myself another 30 days to complete the one that I was working on and start editing it.

2) 30 minutes a day minimum of cleaning/ sorting every single day.

3) 30 minutes minimum of wii fit or other exercise each day. Miss a day and have to make up that time on a different day(s)

4) Slowly cut out some things out of my lifestyle - booze, pop, junk food. Not completely out else I will binge when i do get the chance to eat it... AND I don't want that.

5) NO FACEBOOK FOR THE WHOLE 30 DAYS!!!!

WORST WALMART EXPERIENCE EVER!

hmm I filled out the survey for walmart today, for the cashier friendliness i put 1 and for service i put 2.. the only thing they asked after that was if they had asked me about the stupid walmart mastercard thing..

I guess they don't give a crap about their own customer service.. I wanted to add a note about the lady that rang me through, was rude to me, treated me like i was a nobody and inconsiderate. When she was ringing in my tihngs she was like aren't you going to hand me those items in the rudest tone I have ever had like she thought I was going to walk out with the damned items. I just said i was waiting for a total because i didnt want to break a budget.. and cashed out without getting anything more then what was rang through.. I am deeply pissed off about this..

I am just glad no one was behind me I was so embarrassed, angry and pissed off about this treatment I had that had I went to customer service and complained i would have been very livid and pissed off and probably seriously yelled at someone and my point would not have been heard or worse brushed off. I should have just walked the hell out of that store.. Next time it happens I will.

I cannot believe that when you fill out their survey they don't even give you an option to add your own words. That makes absolutely no sense if they really cared to hear from us their customer.

Just something interesting I tried today!

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

So it has been awhile, today has been kind of a slight sad/ happy, teary eyed kind of day. Just thinking of a lot of things in the past and it feels kind of like a lot of things are coming at me from every direction and I have a lot of thoughts floating around in my head.

There is also so much to do with school and at home that I need to get doing but it is feeling overwhelming. I am sure that I have to give myself a little bit of time to sort through my thoughts before I can think straight enough to start getting a goal plan on the rise.

Mainly, I think a lot of this has been preventing me from going forward more in my life and also from blogging. Also sleep deprived as well is starting to become an issue. I think I am going to start writing more posts, also exercising more, trying to eat healthier even if it is just one time a day is a start.

Lots of things I have to start doing with my life to start moving in some kind of direction but I feel at a loss as to what direction I want to go with my life. There are a few things that I know for certain...

- I may not be the prettiest woman but every time I look in the mirror I can see my parents in my face and I know that I am perfect just the way that I am.

- That my name; Penny, was given to me by my brother before I was ever born! How special is that! There was a time I hated my name but never ever again. My parents had to talk to my brother about if I happened to be a boy but he was so adamant that I was going to be a girl he refused to think about it. (Also he named me after the little girl on Inspector Gadget!)

- I love being creative! I love to write!

- Going to university is interesting, but I need to get myself more focused!

-I dance to the beat of my own drum! If I try dancing to the main beat of life I get bored and seemingly upset!

Memory that popped into my head just now.

You know.. I remember once when i was younger my father, brother and I were heading to Gravenhurst and the weather was really stormy.. I remember that there was a section on both sides of the road that were really cleared out... We stopped at a hotel so everyone could go to the washroom as it was the only place that was open... Well they said that they had no reservations but we could stay there in the lobby until the storm passed.. My dad thought it odd but we kept on going, stopped at a McDonalds in Huntsville/Bracebridge?(cannot remember) and the only thing they could serve was sandwhiches.... No idea why.. When we got to our destination my Nana and everyone were really shocked and freaked out.. for we had driven through tornado warning.. and that section of cleared out forest.. It was where the tornado had passed through... yeah... Not a single person at either place we stopped at bothered to tell us that else we wouldn't have continued on. What a strange sudden memory that popped in my head just now.